October 20, 2023

Two people falling in love can be exciting. But some relationships turn violent.  

More than 10 million men and women in the United States experience domestic violence per year, and 1 in every 15 children witnesses a parent being physically or verbally abused. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time for survivors, advocates, professionals, and communities to raise awareness and honor those who have lost their lives to domestic abuse. 

The main objective for an abuser in a relationship is to dominate their partner, often seeking to gain control of their finances, and control them physically, emotionally, or sexually by projecting aggressive behavior. 

There are many indicators that someone is in an abusive relationship. According to Psych Central, some signs of domestic abuse are if your partner denies you food or water, insults you, threatens to harm you, or keeps you from seeing your family. 

Studies have shown that children who witness violence and abuse in their parents’ relationship will be affected emotionally, physically, and psychologically. 

“Domestic violence has an impact on the victims, but it goes beyond that too,” said Taylor Housing, a Mercy Home therapist. “It really influences how [kids] navigate the world, how they communicate, how they act and what they identify as safe spaces.” 

When a child sees their parents engaging in violence, kids can become emotionally affected and might have a tough time developing healthy relationships. They are also more prone to isolate themselves from people and can find it difficult for them to control their anger when triggered. Additionally, children caught in the middle of their parents’ abusive relationship are likely to experience problems like bad dreams bed wetting. They are more inclined to have mood swings or behavioral issues and are prone to illnesses. 

Also troubling is that when they interact with their peers, they might model their parents’ attitudes and behaviors that they are used to seeing.  

“If [kids] witnessed [abusive relationships] or you’ve been a victim to it and it’s been normalized, it’s really easy for you to model behaviors [that you learned from your parents],” Housing said. 

Before coming to Mercy Home, many of our young people endure emotional and physical trauma, with up to 36% of them witnessing or experiencing domestic violence. But when they step foot inside Mercy Home, they receive therapy to help them heal and learn effective communication tools to deploy with their family and peers. 

Upon arriving at Mercy Home, coworkers are aware of the child’s background and what to expect from them. When a child in our care is upset or lashes out in some way as a response to stress, our coworkers try to model positive responses for them to learn and practice. 

But it is not just about the child’s treatment—Mercy Home gets the parents involved with family therapy to work on and repair their relationship with their child.  During their therapy sessions, Housing and other Mercy Home therapists can determine the potential problems in a household. 

“If we think that their home environment is an unsafe one or we’re worried about domestic violence situations, we can offer resources,” Housing said.  

“I try to coach people into understanding that we can improve [their social and behavioral skills], and we’re going to 100 percent do all of those things, but we cannot send them back to a home environment where nothing has changed.” 

Parents and caregivers are invited to be involved in other ways when their child comes to Mercy Home. If they have suffered from trauma or domestic violence, they can join a support group of other parents held at Mercy Home. 

Along with receiving resources to combat domestic violence, parents are given a safe space to talk about their issues to other parents and they learn critical parenting practices to help them improve the quality relationship with their child. 

 “One thing that I tell parents all the time is that the time that the kids are here is also a time for you to work on yourself,” Housing said.  

Mercy Home cares for children affected by all types of trauma, including domestic violence, and makes sure the parents are well informed on the best parenting practices. It is our goal for all of our children to return home to a safe environment, and that takes forging a true partnership with a child’s entire caregiving system.

If you are a victim of domestic violence or know anyone in need of help, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at (800)-799-7233 [HERE] for more information and resources.